April 5, 2004


Medical Records Inc.
P.O. Box 5582
1020 Quebec Road
Green Bay, WI 54308-5582

Re: GE Group Administrators
Patient: Suzie McFarce


Dear Medical Records Inc.,

We are in receipt of your re-sent invoice number 2-XL-14965 for the amount of $19.29. These charges are for the medical records of Suzie McFarce. These medical records were requested on 03/04/99.

Please know that we understand your frustration at the fact that we hold you at our mercy in claims processing purgatory. Nearly nonexistent checks on accountability combined with passive-aggressive rage on the part of temporary employees have resulted in a backlog like you wouldn't believe. A check should be going out to your company if and when we get around to correctly processing your claim (don't your hopes up).

Please also note that we have recently decided to outsource nearly all of our work to a developing nation with looser labor laws, where you will find yourself at the mercy of even lower paid and even more disgruntled workers. Even if an impending armed rebellion does not result in the total loss of your mail before it reaches our processing center, we can ensure you that these outsourced employees will also do everything in their power to throw a cog into the GE machine without getting fired. Thank you, in advance for your understanding.

We suggest that in the future you abandon any hope of receiving reimbursement for services from us. We apologize for any inconvenience resulting from our delay in payment.


Sincerely,


The Disgruntled Vendor Coordinator

Dear Ms. Meredith,

I am at work. I lost my cell phone for 3 days. Upon locating it, I began doting on my cell phone to express my appreciation.

Some people said, "okay that's weird". And I was like, "I just found my cell phone and it needs to know how much I appreciate it!" and they were like, "so its okay that you are talking out loud because you found your cell phone?"

I feel like sayin, oh yeah uncle sucka? Oh yeah? Well, I think you are rather boring! HM!

Either that, or they need some education in the mental health realm of knowing when somebody is crazy. Talking to me, one knows that I have a firm grip on reality. I do not, for instance, believe that aliens are controlling my thoughts through a radio device they planted in my ovaries. These uncle suckas may not know it, but I fulfill all of the criteria for the "not crazy" category (where not crazy means having a firm grip on reality).

The standards for Crazyness in Greenfield are just too low for me. These people think I'm weird and at work I'm on my best behavior. Maybe their poor little heads would shatter if they saw me in full swing.

Oh Mizz Meredith, if you were here with me, you would hold me to your breast (in a nonsexual, but very comforting manner) and say you understand. You, me, and my beloved Motorola 120e could do a dance in the parking lot. A dance of joy that the cell phone has returned.

You would do all of these things for me that people at Giant Evil do not do for me.

I am so sending out 3 resumes for job ads I saw this week.

xoxo,
J.

PS - I know that this email is pretentious, but I needed to vent.

PPS - Will you be my One and Only?

2 great ways to look busy:

Use multiple envelopes when sending letters in response to a series of charges, even if they are all listed on one bill. The sheer volume of envelopes will fool your supervisor into thinking you have been very productive.

Print out lots of articles about acupuncture from the internet. Since you have to pass by your supervisor’s desk to reach the printer, she will assume that your print outs are “work related”

I have not done anything work related in the past 5 hours.

My trainer, mind you, has been totally AWOL for the 2nd day in a row. So there isnt much work I can do unless she shows me how to do it.

I would rather sit motionless with no work in sight than toil and get carpal tunnel

But I figure, why complain. As I sit motionless for hours and hours, I try to go to my happy place. A place where I have a job with health benefits that actually offers potential advancement opportunities. A place where 80% of my coworkers are actively on the Adkins diet. A place called "almost anywhere but here".

In a fit of preventative body odor desperation, I applied some really old ladies’ anti-perspirant on my armpits today. I hate strong smelling deodorant, especially those designed for women. They smell like flowers growing in a nuclear waste dump. Sort of sweet, but laden with so many bloody chemicals that the primary odor screaming “not made in nature” overwhelms their victim whenever you are unlucky enough to have to encounter their scent.

Working at Giant Evil is a lot like the smell of most Ladies’ Deordants. It maintains the initial camouflage visage of sweet smelling financial stability. Pretty soon, though, one discovers the overwhelming toxins of boredom and waning mental health.

Darn it all. I PROMISED myself that I would not bring up the saucy topic of S-E-X in this blog.

I guess this last post sort of breaks that “no mention of hanky panky in your Disgruntled Temp blog” commitment.

But I really did refrain from mentioning making out, etc, for nearly a month. And I think I deserve credit for my reserve, however fleeting.

It seems I accidentally called the 800 number to a hotline greeting “all you hot and horny guys” yesterday. I intended to call the 800 number of one of our Texas divisions.

I wish I worked at a porn company. Okay, so unless it was like Babes in Toyland, my coworkers would probably consist of smarmy men who have never heard of the female orgasm and who would cause me to boil over with second wave rage. But at least I could waste lots and lots of time by looking at dyke porn all day, instead of the good old New York Times.

If I worked at a dyke porn company, I would be in heaven. Surrounded by nice ladies who would have nice friends who would take me out to dinner and then have a party in my panties.

Now does the Giant Evil ever offer me that opportunity? I think not.

With a job like mine, I can never quite get even with the nastiness the Giant Evil puts upon the world.

But I can get mad and be passive-aggressive about it. I like to tell the Giant Evil just how I feel through my selection of passwords. Words like torture, agony and despair. Words like evil company, underpaid, and thankless toil.